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April 2, 2007
They Jog Among Us
I know it's been a while, but something occured to me today that is important enough to stop making family trees of my Sims and break my silence with this groundbreaking news:
Cybernectic Organisms are real, and they jog amongst us.
I admit, I'm not the fittest girl. Sure, in my hay day I was able to rollerblade a bunch of miles, walk to and fro school, up hill, both ways. But now, as I spend more time in front of this dread machine, I've gotten a little stationary.
Actually, exercise equiptment is what brought me to this conclusion. As I was panting along during my olympian mile, I realized that people cannot do this. Let me rephrase - human beings cannot do this. The only reasonable explanation is that androids are systematically placed in certain areas to do the following:
1) drive up real estate prices
2) drive gym memberships
Remember what the gym was like in the 80's (I know this because i collect old 80's gym magazines) ? There were steps and ribbons - low tech. Get in shape girl rocked, and no one needed a gym membership. Suzanne Summers rocked the infomercials with her thighmaster - all low tech.
Nowadays, machines know our heart rates and come with more technology than necessary. Instead of "stepping" on plastic steps, we're walking mechanical ones. What's the point? Here it is. The fitness mogules manufacture these droids to patrol populated jogging routes to make people like us feel like shit about how pathetic we are in hopes that we'll go to the gym. See it? See the conspiracy?
As far as the real estate issue: I defer to Overheard in New York:
"Black lady: Harlem is up and coming, but it ain't come up yet. I need to see a few more white people jogging at six a.m. before I sign a lease above 125th."
--7 train
Fucking Androids.
Posted by lysa at April 2, 2007 10:31 PM
Comments
ha! facinating theory. no, i decidedly do not remember gyms in the 80's but i do highly repect that fact that you went to a gym and you utilized a machine despite desperately NOT wanting to. Spring is coming, honest. And with spring summer is not far behind. You'll be able to utilize that phenominal view of yours before you know it. Until then, keep venting your frustrations with the machines here and keep UTILIZING THEM every other night it's too cold to enjoy the outdoors! *HUG*
Posted by: DivaRat at April 3, 2007 10:21 AM
Ribbons? Ribbons? This is what constituted proper fitness back in the 80s? I always thought it was the gallons of hairspray on girl's head that acted as a weight that kept ya'll in shape.
Note though, the frakkin cylons must work off of solar power as they mostly appear during the day. They also seem to run in packs like the scheming wolves that they are. Rebel my sistuh..let us eat girl scout cookies and pray for humanity.
Posted by: Booboo at April 3, 2007 11:07 AM
Ahhh yeahhh baby!
I love them new york girls! white people jogging indeed. Actually, you need to see white women jogging w/ their babies in those jog strollers while carrying on a conversation via bluetooth headset and a latte from starbucks in one hand.
Posted by: Scottie at April 3, 2007 7:01 PM
Jogging cyborgs! That explains SO much! The endless stamina. The outrageously functional bras.
It's all so much clearer now.
Posted by: Kbee at April 3, 2007 11:06 PM