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April 9, 2007
Way too many people see me naked.
Save your snickering and your bathroom gossip, this is a serious topic and it needs to be addressed. I went in to a chiropractor for the first time tonight to get my thumb looked at. I know I went in for my thumb for two reasons:
See! Pink!
So, I go to this guy - because it's only a thumb, and what are the odds you'll have to strip down to your new fancy panties for a thumb-ache? If you're me, the odds are pretty good.
Turns out I really need an orthopedist, but since I was there, would I like to be adjusted?
I've never been to a chiropractor. I think my bones are as stubborn as the rest of me, and they'll crack when they're damn ready to. He thought differently.
Don' get me wrong, cool guy - totally would recommend him if anyone reading this lives in NYC and needs a good back-crack. So, he says to me, after looking at my thumb and declaring his uselessness in that particular arena, "Take off whatever you need to for me to have access to your back"
Today, I wore a straight skirt, with a waist line that was actually at my belly button. I haven't worn anything that wasn't low-rise since the fashion developed. Also, since we haven't had any weather that even resembles spring lately, I had on tights. Both of these items had to go.
So, there I was, hospital gown, blue bambi panties and the best minimizer bra money can buy waiting for my brand new chiropractor to "adjust" me.
By the way, he likes my "art".
All in all, the adjustment was painful, but that's only because I have a bad hip-ass muscle which has caused me much grief in the past. Also, as it turns out, the reason one pant leg is always more tattered than the other is because I'm crooked - but don't worry, he's going to straighten that right out.
This naked bullshit at the Dr's is really out of control. My urologist, gynocologist, chiropractor, and even facial(ist?) have requested that I get near buff when I visit. I have to take my bra off for a facial? I've had boyfriends that didn't get that far!
Don't even get me started on the positions that the damn people that wax you make you get into.... (ow!)
After I was brutally massaged, I was instructed to lie down in this room on this... bed like device. I will call this the mechanical undulator, for this is what it did, and this is what it looks like:
The Undulator makes you move like something very, very nice is happening in a southern region of your delicate body. I want one, and you should visit my chiropractor.
Posted by lysa at April 9, 2007 8:04 PM
Comments
I betcha ANY amount of money if i go see this same doctor, he'll ask me to put ON more clothes. I swear, these doctors are worse than playboy photographers. Whats next? Naked manicures?? Nooo, no guys doing those.
<- just jealous
Posted by: Booboo at April 9, 2007 8:57 PM
Ok...the minute your dentist tells you to strip to your knickers...it's time to call it quits.
Posted by: scottie at April 9, 2007 10:44 PM
Shaking my head with disapproval the whole way through this piece, I was going to read you the riot act in this comment section about the utter stupidity and possibly even dangerous aspects of chiropractory but now that he's seen you naked, fuck it, you might as well go back.
Posted by: Kbee at April 10, 2007 3:11 PM