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December 1, 2007
Why do I always ride the Crazy Horses?
Every time I go horseback riding I get the horse with the wild look in his eye. My horses are young with a penchant for looking with longing into open fields. My horses stop every 3 feet, gaining the hatred of the tour guide who has to constantly remind me that the horses are not supposed to eat. Today I had a horse who loved to trot, tongue hanging out, stepping into high stepping prance.
But *nothing* my horse could do could come close to the absolute wreck our tour guide was.
Alex showed up late and flamboyantly explained how he was at the bar, drinking. He was smashed. Nervous as this city girl is around horses ( there's pictorial evidence of this ) having a tanked tour guide did nothing to reassure me, neither did the trot my horse immediately started off on. Always the crazy ones, I tell you.
Anyway, Mr. Gayer-than-80's-irradescant-leggings led us along slippery rocks, 40 degree down sloped hills, and didn't quite take me seriously when I informed him I was getting off my horse and walking down the hill. Eventually, he came to understand that I was quite serious. Asshole.
Anyway, again, none of this even comes close to the abuse my booboo had to take. This guy was *ALL* over him, talking to him about him and his ex-boyfriend, who was also Chinese. He asked my booboo if he was Chinese at least 3 times, and then proceeded to tell him all the sexual tricks him and his "Chinesito" ex boyfriend did. I mean, who doesn't want to hear about ice cream balls when you're getting soaked in the rain. Did i mention it poured?
During the deluge, our giddy gu‪ide decided it was time to take off his shirt. In fact,
he decided both the men should ride shirtless and while on horseback, tried to take off my booboo's shirt. Normally a man of perfect temperament, my booboo was now in full assault mode, holding the reigns in one hand, and displaying a fist in the other. The tour guide got the hint, and trotted on up to me. I said trotted up because for the entire ride he was flirting with my booboo and ignoring me. As mean as it is to say, it's nice to see a guy trying to get down his shirt instead of mine.
I think we'll skip horsebacking riding on our next vacation.
Posted by lysa at December 1, 2007 9:52 PM
Comments
Oh come on. Couldn't take one for the team? Just so you know, not ALL gay men want a little under-the-sweater action with booboo. I also don't want to be stuck in the same category as those flamboyant 'mo's.
Posted by: scottie at December 2, 2007 3:49 PM
To be fair, i was showing off thunder and lightning aka my pasty pale arms.
Ill never look at neopolitan ice cream with walnuts the same ever again.
Posted by: booboo at December 3, 2007 10:59 PM
The last time, oh and I do mean the last time, I let anyone in leather stirrups place me atop a horse I wound up nearly cracking open my skull. Nothing against leather stirrups, Scott, don't get in an uproar. Just saying.
Posted by: Kbee at December 5, 2007 8:55 PM
Heehee, Chinesito....
Posted by: NaechsteHaltestelle at December 10, 2007 2:39 PM